That's intense
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
