One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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