Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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