So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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