Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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