with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
