I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
