Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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