My underwear smells like fireworks.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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