Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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