I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
