I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just googled if crying burns calories
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
