Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
