do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
