Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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