The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
