accomplished twins. life is a go
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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