She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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