So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
