Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
