Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
