Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
