my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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