I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
