I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
