I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
