I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
