I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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