I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize