things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
