did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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