Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
