I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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