i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
