filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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