remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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