He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
