your parents love me but you hate me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
