They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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