i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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