I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
