On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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