We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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