you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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