Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
