look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize