I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His hands were made for my vagina.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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