Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
