Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
