She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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