A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
