It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
