There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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