i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
