You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
