Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
