p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
