I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
