I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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