Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
