I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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