Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
