The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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