I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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