my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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