his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
