Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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