puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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