That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
