No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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