I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
