I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
