I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
