Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
