He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's the barista slut.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
