Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
