I need help removing her.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
