I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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