I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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